Kiran Rao, 39, may have married one of the most powerful men in Bollywood, but she still remains a simple, happy and self-reliant person just as she was brought up to be. Over an hour-long conversation, she opens up to TOI about her film school 'Lagaan', her attraction to Aamir Khan and how Azaad has changed her life. Excerpts:
Let's talk about your childhood?
I was born in Bangalore but grew up in Kolkata and I read, write and speak Bengali. My dad was an engineer and worked for the steel industry. I loved school (Loreto House) and had a really happy childhood. We were quite a middle class family, but we had access to all the good things in life, be it books or access to a club. I was outgoing and did a lot of elocution, singing and theatre. We were always taught to enjoy small things and went for a lot of family holidays in a train lugging in a second-class compartment, enjoying the lndscape of Bihar or climbing up the Himalayas. I have memories of my father jumping out of a train and buying us hot pooris and aloo on a patta or buying guavas for us. My dad would always bring back a book from anywhere he went and so for me the treat was always a new Tintin. Another ritual was the Friday night movie at the Saturday Club, where we would have our mutton samosas with tea. My parents always had this great love for life.
How did you come to Mumbai?
After my 12th, my parents moved to Bangalore while I moved to Mumbai to study Economics at Sophia College. Much unlike other girls who managed to evade the curfew and organised the slips to get out of college, we would attend college and were interested in academics. We were actually quite seedha and would only sneak out to watch plays standing at the back at Sophia and go to Fort in a bus to the second-hand bookshop, buying a guava on the way. While I rarely watched films and was not interested in them, my obsession was to be useful to society and I wanted to make a documentary.
I then did my masters in Mass Communication from Jamia Millia Islamia in Delhi. I started supporting myself financially and worked as an RJ at AIR and did the midnight show. If you did that show, you were forced to do the religious morning show which was quite a task, but the good thing was they picked and dropped you from home. Jamia was a great place to learn about life and it became clear to me that I wanted to direct. Though I adored Delhi, Mumbai was in my veins and I felt connected to this city and had to come back.
How did you get into films?
I wanted to be an assistant director (AD). My ex-boyfriend from Bangalore was working in advertising and told me about Shamin Desai, the ad filmmaker who was looking for people. I sent my application to Shamin and started assisting him at 10K per month and that was big money in 1998. It was a great experience, but I quit in a year hoping to make my own film. I was idle when Reema Kagti, my senior from college, asked me if I would like to be the third AD on Lagaan in which she was the second AD. Lagaan became my film school. My job was to handle the actors — 11 Indians, 11 Britishers and 1,500 villagers.
The experience was insightful, thankless and frustrating but I learnt how to deal with people. My job was to ensure that the talent went through their hair, makeup and wardrobe to be ready for call time. You have to see the call sheet of Lagaan to believe it as it had so many people that you had to be a champion of scheduling to manage that. I spent 90% of my time in the makeup room, receiving and sending people and read so many books. I worked really hard and made great friends. I met Aamir though I did not know him. His friends were more the seniors like Ashutosh Gowariker, whereas our group was this younger lot of ADs. We would have a party every weekend where Aamir would drop by but not drink as he started drinking late at the age of 36. He was a down-to-earth producer and both he and Reena managed the crew so well in keeping them away from their families for six months. After Lagaan, I assisted Mira Nair in Monsoon Wedding.
What was Reena like as a producer?
My impression of her then was she was straightforward, warm and empathetic. She always had time to hear us out and was a team player.
How did you start dating Aamir?
I first met Aamir when we were going on a recce on a bus to Bhuj and he came and met us and introduced himself. I just felt he was quite normal. During Lagaan, I was a bit nervous as he was a big star and kept my distance. Also, I was seeing someone while Lagaan was on. I again met him briefly with his family during Dil Chahta Hai. They seemed so elegant and warm. Now that I have got to know them, my first impression was right and I absolutely adore his sisters and mother. By 2003, he and Reena had divorced. He started seeing someone else and we again connected on the set of an ad commercial that he was doing with Ashutosh Gowariker that I was assisting on. We hung out a lot together and became 2 am friends.
We started seeing each other in 2004. Initially, I wasn't sure that I could be friends with a superstar. But in so many ways he is such a grounded person that in four minutes of speaking to him, you forget that he is a star. We like each others company and our friendship is still the basis of our relationship. I moved in with him and neither of us was hung up on marriage. After a year of living together, we decided to get married for two reasons. One, I wanted my parents to feel comfortable and also being the celebrity he is it was easier to just be legally conjoined as it takes the greyness out of the picture. Also, as a girlfriend, people did not know how to treat me. For instance if you go to an event as a wife you are treated a certain way but as a partner, they don't know what to do with you.
What attracted you to Aamir?
I was attracted to his sense of humour and his knowledge and the way he looks at things. What most keeps us together is our value system. For instance, both of us are not very interested in our work and enjoy that. Both of us have a sense of rooting in community and have a strong civic sense and being a part of civil society. We both get affected by a certain kind of politics or intolerance. Aamir is able to get lost in what he is doing, which I am unable to. You can be sitting in front of him and can be talking to him and he is able to think his thoughts forgetting that you are there which is incredibly frustrating for a partner.
On the other hand, I am extremely considerate and would not let anyone talk to me without them having my full attention. I have calmed down now but was very talkative earlier. He likes more one-on-one company and can go hours without talking. I am not driven and have a tendency to procrastinate and am able to do whatever I want to do but it is with a little bit of meandering. Aamir helped me clarify my creative ideas and open up my mind. I am quite lucky to have worked with him in many projects. He has a unique head. For one, he has unbelievable passion. He just loves the world of storytelling. But it's also supported by an unusual mind for cinema. His left and right brain is in perfect unity. One big reason his head is valued is because he is able to listen to a story like an audience and can find a great story idea irrespective of how badly it may is narrated. It is his gift and is the reason of his success. He doesn't do a film to make it a hit, but does it as he believes that it is a story that must be told. He is driven and intense but is also fun and is one of the most relaxed people I know.
Were you insecure about having a surrogate baby?
The insecurity is always at the back of your mind till you don't get your baby in your hand, as there is a bill but no law to secure you. So, while the surrogate mother signs a contract, she could decide to not honour it. My doctor Feroza Parkeh, whom I had met at Mukesh and Nita's house, was my angel. Your doctor is your touch with your baby and we implicitly trusted her. If I did not have Feroza in my life, I would not have had Azaad. I keep thinking it was a miracle. I am not really maternal but had a great desire to have a child with Aamir. I am obsessed with Azaad and wonder what I was doing before him. While for the first ten months I did everything for him, I have now slowly extricated myself and have started thinking on what I want to direct next, though I have never been in a hurry.
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