Here are some rules that I have laid down for myself when fighting with those I cherish...
1. I am incapable of allowing a fight to carry on for too long or go to sleep without making up, as they say! For, the idea is not to never fight (arguments, discussions, fights play an important part in carving out the intimate space we share in a relationship) but to fight in order to save and improve the relationship, not deal it a deathblow!
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2. I do not like glossing over a disagreement or fight with a mere apology. It is very important to understand and address the underlying issues. So you talk. That is how you help build depth and a solid foundation in a relationship.
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3. Even when totally mad, I try not to lash out and say stuff that sticks. I used to, and realized when all was settled and back to normal, the only thing that rankled were the unrelated things said in an attempt to drive the dagger deeper.
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4. I never talk of breaking off, not even under the gravest provocation. It is not even an option I allow myself to think of. I firmly believe that life and love is given to us for managing and growing together, not breaking off and running away from at the first sign of trouble.
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5. I do not lose sight of the fact that I am talking to someone I cherish, whom I wouldn't want to hurt irretrievably. So I force myself to be responsible with my words.
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6. The Captain flicks on the seatbelt sign citing turbulence and advises all to buckle up. It sets me off on a cheesy thought — in a relationship too, it is advisable to sit quiet and buckle up as you wait out any turbulence! So I do adopt this wait-a-while technique. It pays to cool off before talking the talk and often you realize the irritability is coming from elsewhere!
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7. I do not believe in long silences. Men do, I understand. The silence would drive me nuts, as I imagined it indicated rejection, anger, coldness or humiliation. Finally it sunk in that it did not indicate anything. It is just another person's, particularly a guy's way of dealing with the situation.
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8. I do this often even though I realize it's wrong (who's perfect?) — Revisiting a fight and using a later time to drive home my viewpoint. So I am quite used to hearing an all-suffering, "There we go again!" It shouldn't be done.
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9. I never hesitate to apologize or be the first to make up. I think it is a sign of maturity and generosity of spirit. It doesn't matter if you think you were right; you still hurt someone you care for, and that's what you apologize for.
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10. It is important to understand that we are all wired differently and so need to give space to each other to react in our own unique ways. We cannot force a rapprochement, though we can cajole it certainly. And so long as we make sincere efforts, we will not be left with regrets to deal with as unnecessary baggage on our flights!
Source: Giphy
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