With her Oxford and London School of Economics education, she is easily considered the most qualified member in her family. Ahead of her upcoming film Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster Returns, she opens up to TOI about the strong bond between her mother and her brother, the similarities in her nature with her abba and her plans to settle down with Kunal Kemmu. Excerpts:
You are the youngest in your family. Were you pampered?
I felt it more later in life, than when I was young, that I am the favourite of both my parents. I would not drink my milk and I was quite theatrical and would pick up some kind of an instrument and say 'why don't you kill me' and my mother would say 'I am just asking you to have your milk'. My father never raised his voiced with us or with even my mom, who can drive anyone up the wall.
She is Bengali, has fire in her blood, is hyper and impatient. She was a heroine of Hindi cinema and so there was nothing as one slap. We would get eight in a row. Bhai (Saif) was the naughty one and knew how to duck, so she would hold him by his hair. My sister and I were angels in comparison. My mother would, in fact, tell us, 'you are so good, we were not as good when we were your age'. I almost felt it was a complaint and we should have been naughtier. By nature, I am like my father — patient, diplomatic, less judgemental and practical, but unlike my dad, who was a private person, I am open. I get hurt only on matters of principle and not emotionally.
Let's talk about your relationship with Saif?
He is unusual and certainly one of his kind and is interesting just as a human study. He is fascinating and you can just sit and watch him. He is incredibly sharp and I know that he is genuinely fond of me. He is volatile and can be sometimes in a good mood and sometimes in a bad mood and you need to respond to that. Once you know how to play your cards right with him, you are safe with him. We did not grow up together, but as adults staying in the same city, he will message me at times and ask me to come over. It's great to have an elder brother in the same city, in the same industry and I'm more appreciative of the fact that he has an amazing cook, Mohan, and the infrastructure at home, which as a single independent woman, I can rely on.
Our relationship is quite unconventional, like discussing adult matters or our relationships. He has a lot of respect for me and will ask for my opinion. You may feel very important but then you know he would have asked everybody ranging from his gym instructor to Mohan to you. And ultimately, he will do something entirely different. He is dependent on me only for communicating with my mother and sister. My mother and Bhai are similar —impatient, headstrong and volatile. I have always known that there is a special mother-son relationship that you don't mess with. My mother and brother communicate via me, will complain about each other, but in reality, if I were to get involved they would be together against me. So I only take messages and pass them on to the both of them. You have to give each of them the impression that you are on their teams respectively. My mother would say that you are so sensible and you are so easy to talk to, but everything will be dropped for my brother if he is coming home.
What attracts Kunal and you to one other?
Initially, I found him quiet to the point of being boring and we had nothing in common. But when we started shooting 99, we started talking and he told me stories about himself and I was attracted to the fact that he had a completely different upbringing compared to mine. Mine was cushioned and secure and from a position of privilege, his was not and I had respect for him being self-made. I felt secure that since he was able to look after himself and his family, he would also be able to look after me. He is dependable, masculine, reliable, intelligent and honest. I was attracted to his athletic look and eyes and respect him.
He has helped me become clear and made my life simpler. Kunal is like an onion, as in you have to peel all the layers. What's on the surface is not representative of what he is. I am not an onion and am very much what I am on the surface. He does not feel encumbered by sophistication if he is upset with me. He is expressive and knows how to push buttons and drive me mad. He can infuriate me and suddenly I find myself becoming this person I am not and fighting in Hindi. We are sometimes yelling at each other and find ourselves slamming doors. He loses his temper and is openly possessive. He is observant and I cannot lie to him ever. When we fight I am surprised our guards have not come to see if someone could have been murdered. I am equally possessive, but don't equally express it. We are different and have had different upbringings and have different skills that we bring to our relationship that works for us as a couple.
Has your family accepted Kunal, given his different family background?
I have been committed in two more relationships before, and I have worn this relationship on my sleeve in a way that I have not done before and choose to do so to cement it. What I appreciate about Kunal is that he is so secure that he is willing to take that on and not compete with that. My father would only be curious and asked questions about him via my mother. My mother comes with her own expectations of a mother and I knew that she would like Kunal once she met him. She was always worried about me being influenced by other people. Initially, she was cold with him, but now is extremely fond of him and sees him as solid and dependable.
Do you see yourself settling down with him?
We are going to move in together as soon as he is back from Thailand four weeks later. We have bought a place together in Khar that I am supposed to be making into a home. And that's quite a commitment. He will put his place on rent and I will put my place on rent and we will move in together into our new place. I have asked my mother for permission. So nobody will be surprised in my family, but other people don't know about it yet.
Do you miss your father?
Ever since I lost my father, I have lost interest in achieving things beyond a point. He was a silent, but a strong presence. When I go to Pataudi, I sleep in his room that has been kept the same way and still has his aura. We sit by his grave when we go there and can feel him. I wrote an essay on him after he died and I would have liked to read the essay to him. He was succinct and would tell you in three words what he wanted to say. His mobile was always switched off and he would say, 'my mobile is for you to be available to me and not for me to be available to others'. He came to visit me in Mumbai a few times. Even though he was born a prince, he had been to a boarding school and could adjust to my two-room apartment without any house help with the same ease as he would do in a mahal. It's not as if I was super ambitious earlier, but now, more than before, I feel the need to be happy today as against planning for tomorrow.
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